Having a Dickens of a Time

 

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST

It’s been 13 years and I was heavily sedated, but I vividly remember spending Christmas in the hospital.   As my flesh was literally rotting off and the doctors couldn’t figure out why, there was some concern I wasn’t going to survive, and I was in so much pain I didn’t want to.

But I did.  A month in the hospital.  Surgery.  Eighteen months of outpatient infusions.  I narrowly (and thankfully) escaped needing skin grafts.  Gary spent countless hours tending to rancid wounds, cleaning and bandaging them multiple times a day.  Managing my meds, schlepping me to endless medical appointments – infusions, rheumatologists, dermatologists, wound care specialists.  And when he was done with that, he managed the house, the groceries, the cooking, the cleaning.

While undergoing treatment, they discovered, quite by accident, that I had breast cancer.  More doctors.  Surgery.  Chemo.  Radiation.  This time the doctors were sure I was going to survive, again I wasn’t so sure I wanted to.  Still we soldiered on – through countless chemotherapy sessions, 6 weeks of daily radiation.  Oh how I complained.  The bone pain, the baldness, the fatigue.  Giving up wasn’t an option, though, because Gary refused to give up.

“A small matter,” said the ghost, “to make these silly folks so full of gratitude.”

 

 

 

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PRESENT

Now Gary lies in a filthy nursing home, gaunt, cheeks sunken, eyes rolling back in his head.  He’s asleep most of the time, which I’m thankful for – at least he’s not consciously aware of the squalor in which he’s currently living.

 

“There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember, Scrooge” said the Ghost, “time is short, and suddenly, you're not there anymore.”

 

 

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS YET TO BE

Last Christmas, I couldn’t have guessed what this Christmas would look like.  It makes me fear for what next Christmas will bring.

 

    “If they would rather die, they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.”